Nanny Heketch
by Tiran Kin
Summary: Rexan needs Heketch to develop a softer image for times of peace. When Heketch has difficulty picking up babysitting, Rexan sends him to look after a child which might just be more dangerous than Heketch himself... Also appearing: Tanis Trilives and several unspecified guest characters. (Characters are from Level 99 Games' World of Indines, best known from BattleCON and Argent.)
1. Babysitter Heketch

_A small group of friends sat around a table, reviewing new rules for a game. At the next table, a blindfolded wolf addressed the small audience gathered in front of her:_

 _"Well, I know you're distracted, but does anyone mind if I start another story?"_

 _ **Audience Member #1** , a little girl with crimson eyes, jumped up and down with glee. "STORYTIME!" she proclaimed._

 _"Go for it," agreed **Audience Member #2** , a willowy woman with long hair and thick glasses. She made herself cozy, wrapping herself in a furry, cream-colored blanket. "I'm ready!"_

 _"Arrgh," grumbled one of the gamers at the next table: a white-haired woman in a red jumpsuit. "I hate this card."_

 _"I like that one. What's wrong with it?" asked a stony-featured man with a glowing crystal eye. "Apart from being really good."_

 _"The templating is horrid," sighed the woman._

 _"There's worse," replied the man with the glowing eye, gesturing at a different card. "Just look at this one."_

 _"That doesn't justify it," Audience Member #1 interrupted, "but we need to have story time! Your discussion will need to work!"_

 _"It's working already," the woman said, examining the card. "What does that text actually mean?"_

 _"We're discussing things!" the man agreed. To the woman, he added, "It seems straightforward."_

 _"I meant wait!" Audience Member #1 corrected. "Your discussion will need to wait!"_

 _"Please, folks, keep going," the wolf cut in over the girl's cries. "I'm just going to do my thing over here on the side. You're at the next table. It's no trouble."_

 _The girl folded her arms and pouted._

 _The gamers nodded and continued their discussion. "But if it's forced to happen, does the effect override, or does it prevent it from happening in the first place? Does it prevent from extension?"_

 _And so they went. The wolf began her story._

* * *

A tiny child lay in its crib, looking up at the stars painted on its ceiling. It cooed softly.

Suddenly, the lights went out.

* * *

 _The girl gasped, and Audience Member #2 curled up in her blankets with frightened eyes._

* * *

A faint clacking came from the hall, and the child's eyes widened fearfully. It sobbed softly, then started to cry. A long, fearsome talon slid between the crib bars and rested atop its lips, and the creature froze in fear.

Crimson eyes rose above the side of the crib, glowing in the dark room. A mask of horror twisted the air beneath it: countless needle-like teeth reflected slivers of dim light as the monster opened its mouth.

"Hussshhhh," the monster whispered. "Ssstory time. Heketch hasss a ssstory for you."

The baby seemed less afraid now, and it was starting to suck on the side of his talon.

* * *

 _"Oh my goodness," cried the willowy woman with thick glasses._

 _"That sounds dangerous," remarked the gamer in the red jumpsuit._

 _Audience Member #1 wore a very confused expression._

 _"Yes, folks," the wolf said, "we are now in a frame tale in a frame tale. I'm so very sorry."_

* * *

 **Regicide Heketch** sighed dejectedly and held up a storybook. "Once upon a time, there was a good little monsster, who wassn't like all the other monssterss. He liked the light, not the dark, and he wanted to be friendss with everyone he sssaw."

Heketch turned the page with the claw that was not occupying the child's toothless mouth.

* * *

 _The little girl clapped her hands in glee, but remained in her seat._

 _Audience Member #2 made the cutest, strangest sound of excitement, like a delighted meow._

* * *

"He ran away from home to find new friendss, and he met many sstrange people along the way. He sstarted to learn that jusst because he looked like a monsster, he didn't have to be one."

The assassin glanced down. Nope, still awake. He sighed and turned the page again.

"One day, he met a sstrange persson who wassn't like anyone he'd ever ssseen before. Their ssoul was full of light insstead of fear and hate, and it made them sstrong. The good little monsster was amasssed... amased... Ssurprisssed," he managed to hiss. "The ssoul of light ssaw that the monsster wass not a bad monsster at all, and sso the two became fassst friendss."

Cursing everything in the whole of the wretched Prime World, Heketch turned the page and continued.

"The monsster thought the light needed to be everywhere, even hisss home, sso he led the ssoul of light back to the darknessss where he had been born, where... wait..."

* * *

 _The little red-eyed girl held her breath and leaned forward._

 _Her willowy neighbor leaned forward as well, covering her mouth and whispering, "No, Heketch, no!"_

* * *

Heketch removed the claw from the creature's mouth to quickly flip through the rest of the book. The child began to cry, so he handed it a knife to suck on instead.

"...No, no, no," Heketch growled. "Thiss iss ssso _ssstupid._ Thiss issn't right at all. Who writess thiss sstuff?"

He tossed the book aside and looked back at the child, leaning over the crib and smiling wide. The child's mouth froze, and its eyes grew wide.

"Back in the darknessss, the bad little monssterss ssaw what the good little monsster wasss doing," Heketch continued. "They ssaw the ssoul of light, and they hated it, and they hated him with all their hate. Sso they tied the ssoul of light to the good little monsster, and they burned them alive! But before they died, they tore off little partss of them until there weren't any left, sso their ssscreamss of agony would fill the hallsss of the underworld, like joyouss ssymphoniess of fear made manifesst in the endss of the ssoul of light and the good little monsster that jussst didn't get it _right._ "

The child started crying loudly.

Heketch cursed viciously. "Sstoriess don't work, either! What makess thesse thingss sstay ssilent?!"

* * *

 _Audience Member #1 and Audience Member #2 sat in silence and rapt attention._

 _"You guys are the best!" the wolf praised. "Thanks for being such an engaged audience. I think we'd better skip ahead now."_

 _"I know who wrote that book," squeaked the willowy woman._

 _"Help," called two of the gamers to a small, featureless child who was passing by. "We're confused. How does this card work?" The child sighed and meandered their way to instruct them in the game's finer points._

 _The wolf cleared her throat. "Let's move to... let's see... Ah! The chambers of the Overlord."_

 _"Ooooooh," whispered Audience Member #2._

* * *

 **Overlord Cairngort Rexan** reclined in an uncomfortable-looking chair with a small stack of essays. After a quick glance around to make sure no-one was watching, he smiled and said to himself, "Now to _assay_ these _essays._ Hah! I never get tired of that."

A bloodstained children's book clattered to the ground in front of him, making him jump.

"I don't like puns!" he exclaimed immediately, then caught the familiar scent of unwashed Heketch. "Oh, it's just you, Heketch."

"Yeah, ssorry, kid'ss dead," the Rasp declared flatly.

* * *

 _The wolf paused momentarily, looking sheepish. "Uh... Content warning! Sorry, audience!"_

 _"Well, it does make them silent," muttered Audience Member #1._

 _Audience Member #2 nudged the little girl and uttered back, "A horrible thing to say."_

* * *

"Wait, what?!" Rexan put his head in his hands. "Not again... I specifically told you not to kill anyone while you were there!"

"I didn't mean to kill them all! I jussst really sssuck at baby-sssitting!"

"I—wait, you killed them _all?_ The whole family?!"

"Really. Sssuck," Heketch repeated pointedly.

* * *

 _"I'm sorry," the little girl whispered back. "Sometimes the truth is horrible."_

 _The willowy woman slowly nodded her head, her lids drooping as she replied: "Sometimes."_

* * *

"Gods, Heketch," Rexan sighed, collapsing back into his chair and letting the essays slide carelessly to the ground. "I don't know what I'm going to do with you. It was just like this with the carpenter, the messenger, the juggler..."

"I ssort of liked that lassst one," Heketch admitted. "Lotss of blood in it."

"But that's not the point! Nothing seems to be working. I've got to find a job for you. You're too useful and too dangerous to have sitting around doing nothing."

"Oh, I don't know," Heketch muttered loudly, his tone thick with sarcasm. "Maybe you could have me _kill sssomeone._ That'ss a thing I do, in cassse you forgot."

Rexan sighed again. "No," he said firmly. "Gesselheim follows me to the last bone. I have no need to make further examples of my own people. And as for the other nations, I don't want to cut off the head of every nation in the world. I believe we are close to a peaceful resolution; to send you for such action now would only incite a needless war."

"What about Willat?" the Rasp suggested. "Nobody'd misss it."

Rexan thought for a moment. "Yes, screw Willat; you're not wrong. But I don't want Vilnar on my back. I'm not sure I want him on my side, but I definitely don't want him opposite. Rasps _can_ integrate into society. My spies in Argent have made very positive reports. I'm sure I can find something for you to do that will make a better impression than murder."

"Lassst impressssion iss alwayss the besst," Heketch replied.

Rexan shook his head. "Maybe I can use you as a diplomat to... No, I like them too much. Perhaps if you were used to explore the ruins of... No, I'm sure I'd lose half the adventuring population that went in after you. If only there was someone you couldn't just kill when things went south! I think it'd really challenge you to grow."

Heketch grimaced. "I don't need to grow. Heketch iss complete."

"Perhaps, but I will find a way to force you to grow beyond what even you believe possible. I am nothing if not a leader. I just need someone you can't..." Then, the Overlord's eyes happened to fall on a small, decorated envelope on his bedside table.

* * *

 _The red-eyed girl leaned forward again._

* * *

"Kill, yesss, I know. You really get my needss and wantsss," Heketch continued in the most bored-sounding monotone he could possibly muster.

When his master didn't respond, Heketch eyed him carefully, and he noticed something that could unsettle even a Rasp: Rexan was smiling.

"I have another assignment for you, Heketch," Rexan said, and there was mirth in his tone. "It's another baby-sitting assignment. This one's for an old friend. He remained loyal for all the lost years, and I wish to show him favor by sending my most trusted servant."

"It went sso well lassst time, why not?" Heketch remarked, gesturing at the bloodstained children's book. "And you know I'm not flattered. I can't feel flattery, sso don't lay it on quite ssso thick, bosss."

Ignoring his remarks, Rexan simply picked up the envelope and handed it to Heketch. It took the Rasp several moments to get the thing open without damaging its contents, but when he finally managed a look at it, he gave Rexan a quizzical look in response. "A play?"

"At Galston House," Rexan confirmed. "The Trilives estate, practically speaking, since the bulk of their property went to waste not long after I did."

* * *

 _Audience Member #1 screamed in triumph, pumping her arm in the air._

 _To everyone's surprise, Audience Member #2 let out an ungodly fangirl screech as well, drawing stares._

 _Noticing that everyone's attention was on her, she curled back up in her blankets, blushing meekly._

 _"Um, yay," she corrected quietly._

* * *

"It won't go any better," Heketch warned.

"We'll see," said Rexan, still smiling. "Now go. Stop for nothing, same as before."

The Rasp vanished into the shadows without complaint, as always.

A few moments later, Rexan chuckled to himself. "Heh. 'Ghost op for nothing.'"

* * *

 _"That's all for now, sorry! I'll continue later on." The wolf thanked them for being a wonderful audience, then departed._

 _The red-eyed girl clapped and squealed with delight, and the willowy woman expressed her own excitement, as well. The latter started to speculate excitedly, but she was interrupted by the gamers at the next table._

 _"Sorry, but would you mind settling down? The story's over, and it's hard enough maintaining concentration without you girls giggling in the background."_

 _She apologized for disrupting their concentration, then quieted and left alongside the red-eyed girl (continuing her speculation as quietly as she could on the way out)._


	2. Regicide Nanny

Deep in the wastelands of Gesselheim, where the greatest cities once thrived, stands the ruin of Galston House, the greatest theatre in the world.

* * *

 _"Where's the booze?" interjected **Audience Member #1** , an incomprehensible being from beyond space and time. A handful of its ethereal appendages rummaged noisily through the chest where snacks and drinks were kept._

 _ **Audience Member #2** , a willowy woman with thick glasses, slapped one of the tentacles that strayed a bit too close._

 _"We don't have any," replied the blindfolded wolf who was telling the story. "It's not like beings who exist outside of time can prove their age in a liquor store."_

 _"I had a long day," protested the tentacled horror. "I need a drink for any story involving the ruins of Gaston!"_

 _"Story's starting, no one drinks," the wolf replied bitterly._

 _"—like Gaston," finished Audience Member #1 under its breath, rescinding its tentacles into some unseen rift to search elsewhere for drinks._

 _The blindfolded wolf ignored him and continued the story._

* * *

It is a shadow of its former self, but it has been kept in strangely good repair. It still has its share of devotees, after all.

It was to this ruin that **Regicide Heketch** traveled following his meeting with the Overlord...

He moved under cover of night, covering incredible distances with impossible speed, until he reached the famed Galston House. He knew nothing of its legend, but he had no trouble identifying the grand building. Entry was trivial; the whole of the place was cast in shadow... or nearly so.

* * *

 _One of the tentacles reappeared, waving a half-empty container in time with off-key singing. "No one drinks like Galston, no one thinks like Galston, no-one's armor has as many chinks as Galston!"_

 _"Where did you get that?" sighed the wolf. "Can someone read the label for me?"_

 _"It's hard punch," replied Audience Member #2._

 _"It does sound like he took a hard punch," the wolf grumbled._

* * *

He emerged from the darkness at the edge of a raised platform. The platform was lit by a mechanized spotlight originating somewhere in the darkness far, far above. He placed one claw at the edge of the platform and lifted himself up onto it, growling as he did. Only one other figure occupied the stage: a dainty-looking child with long, blonde hair. She was watching him intently and without fear, which surprised him slightly.

"Let'ss get thiss over with," the Rasp hissed. "I'm ssuppossed to keep you out of trouble until you go to ssleep. I wasss sssent by—"

The girl was frowning, and she held up a hand to cut him off. "No! That's no good at all. You'll make a _terrible_ hero." Then she waved at the room behind him and called: "Understudy! Can we get an understudy up here?"

* * *

 _"One, two, she's comin' for you," the tentacled horror slurred. "Oooh, how the mighty have fallen! The great Regicide Heketch, now a mere babysitter!"_

* * *

Before Heketch could react, something smacked into the back of his head. He reached up to tear it away, but it was already fumbling its way over the top of his head, yanking on his ears and pulling his hair in its attempt to surmount him. He whirled around like a dog chasing its tail, clawing and biting at the thing on his head, then stopped when he felt it jump off (kicking him in the throat as it did).

Bloodlust rising, he turned to look at the stage again. The girl had moved to one side, and a ridiculous-looking doll of some sort was standing in her place. It wore a miniature suit of armor and brandished a large-ish knife as if it was a full-sized sword.

"Our hero!" the girl crowed. "Wielding the legendary sword, Alkaline!"

Momentarily dumbfounded, Heketch simply stared at the doll. "Uh... What?" he hissed, looking from it to the girl.

"His sworn duty," the girl continued, "is to rescue the fair damsel from the clutches of the _terrible monster!_ "

Suddenly, a second doll dropped down onto the stage from the darkness above. It was small, like the first, but this one was wearing a bizarre costume that seemed like it was meant to resemble a dragon—if worn by two or three full-grown adults, at least, rather than a single child-sized doll. It had jagged-looking pieces of metal sewn to its arms, and it wore a menacing-looking mask. The mask had particularly angry eyebrows which appeared to have been added fairly recently.

"What," Heketch repeated, baffled.

* * *

 _"Someone help me," gasped Audience Member #2 between chuckles, "this is getting too cute."_

 _The tentacle was wavering unsteadily in the air, its physical form flickering and swaying. "Too much to drink," it mumbled before losing cohesion entirely and disappearing._

 _"Good night," the wolf remarked._

* * *

The girl threw her hands up in apparent fright and let out a shriek: as if mimicking her, the "monster" raised its makeshift claws and advanced slowly toward her.

"Rescue me, O hero!" the girl shouted, gesturing at the doll that was arrayed like a knight.

"Enough," Heketch snarled, disappearing into the darkness at the edge of the stage only to reappear behind the "monster" a moment later. He picked it up by its head and held it at arm's length, leaving it to flail ineffectively at the air. "Thiss iss ridiculousss."

"Slay the monster!" the girl yelled.

The doll with the sword lifted its weapon and ran point-first toward the incapacitated "monster," apparently to finish it off. Heketch kicked the "hero" square in the torso as it charged forward, sending it flying.

Heketch hurled the "monster" to the ground and dove into its shadow with one claw outstretched, emerging behind the girl in the same instant. He seized her by the neck and shook her, snarling as he did: "Now sssettle down!"

Her head flopped oddly and turned to face him, and he stopped short. He was holding another doll—the girl was gone.

" _WHAT._ "

"Ah!" came the girl's voice from somewhere high up and far away. "Now that's more like it! You'd be a terrible hero, but you would make an _excellent_ monster! Great work! We're back to plan A! Ladies and gentlemen..."

Suddenly, more artificial lights clicked on, illuminating the Rasp from every angle. He snarled and dropped the doll, scampering to the shadows at the edge of the stage—then another light came on to eliminate those shadows, and he flinched away as if burned. He dove to the far edge of the stage, but more lights flicked on, destroying his precious darkness until nothing was left. He huddled in the center of the stage, snarling with hate; his eyes darted everywhere, as if searching for an escape route.

"I present to you THE MONSTER!" the girl called. "Good work, stranger! What's your name, anyway? I can't promise it'll make it into the playbill, but I should give credit where credit's due."

* * *

 _"Oh, has someone just arrived?" the storyteller asked, interrupting herself._

 _"What did I just come back to?" asked the new arrival, a blue-haired gentleman with a long coat and a fashionable monocle._

 _"Just telling another story about Heketch's babysitting experiences," the wolf replied. "Make yourself comfortable."_

 _The blue-haired fellow backed away slowly, then left the same way he'd arrived._

* * *

Heketch had finally found what he needed.

"My name..." he whispered, placing his claws flat on the surface of the stage. They slid into the ground slightly, reaching into their own shadows. He pulled traces of his own shadow up and into the air, scattering them to form a floating array of ethereal shapes.

The hovering shadows began to coalesce into more distinct shapes, and he grinned horribly, showing a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth.

"Heketch!" he howled, then became a blur of motion. The blobs of shadow had become tangible knives, and he seized and hurled every one of them in a different direction with lightning swiftness, shattering every spotlight within the span of a second. At last, total darkness filled the theatre; he sighed with relief, then faded into the shadows to search for his prey.

A moment after he vanished, a ghostly candle at the edge of the stage came to life, but it seemed to cast no light.

"I've heard of you!" called the girl from a balcony seat. "You're the Overlord's pet Rasp, aren't you?"

"I ssserve the Overlord, yess," Heketch confirmed as he impaled the girl—or tried to. His claw was stuck in a wooden mannequin, and the girl had vanished again. "And you are the Trilivess child, yess?"

Several more ghostly candles had begun to appear. Some occupied the hanging chandeliers, but others floated at odd heights throughout the room for no apparent reason.

"That's right," she replied from an even higher seat. "I'm Tanis. Pleased to meet you! Are you always this excitable?" Then, shouting in a different direction, she added: "Mephisto, you'd better be ready with that costume change! Back to plan A, just like before Marlgrove backed out!"

Heketch snarled, tore the mannequin in half, and chased her new appearance—only to decapitate a particularly messy-looking broom when he tried to seize her by the head.

"Gone again!" he roared. "I'm not here to play around, Tanisss! I'm jusst ssuppossed to keep you out of trouble. My massster commandss it."

"That doesn't sound like the Overlord," Tanis mused from directly behind him.

He whirled around, but she was gone. Almost half of the room was now filled with ghostly candles, but they weren't shining enough light to trouble him.

"And of course you're not here to play," she continued from a higher seat, her voice echoing across the entire theater. "Being in a play is called 'acting,' not 'playing.' Did the Overlord really send you? And why do you talk so strangely? Do all Rasps have lisps?"

Heketch traveled the shadows to where her voice had come from, but he didn't see any trace of her.

"Of coursse he ssent me, you little brat," Heketch spat, withdrawing the invitation Rexan had given him and waving it in the air as proof. "And I don't alwayss sssound like thiss. I jusst bit my tongue."

To his surprise, something pulled the envelope right out of his claw without him seeing a thing. He growled and glared at the empty theatre, as if he could punish it for the mischief of its proprietor. Almost all of the ghostly candles were lit, and he was starting to wonder why.

"Oh, it hasn't healed yet?" Tanis asked politely, her voice coming from one of the light fixtures far above. Then, after a few moments, her voice came from the stage: "This is the invitation I sent to the Overlord! So he really did send you! I can't believe he went so far as to send me a performer—he must be really pleased with my work!"

"It sswelled up, sso I keep biting it again," Heketch explained, then vanished into the darkness one more time. He saw her on the stage, and this time she had the envelope in hand—surely that meant it couldn't be an illusion!

Heketch emerged from the darkness immediately in front of the girl, glowering with rage and hatred. He picked her up in one claw, and this time she didn't turn into a doll. She simply met his rage with her own cool gaze, unimpressed.

"Why don't I ssensse fear?" Heketch wondered. "Sssomething'ss not right about you, girl."

Looking as calm as ever, she put her hands to her face in an expression of horror. Then, meticulously, she let out an earsplitting shriek—at the exact moment the final candle was lit.

Heketch winced and nearly dropped her. He took a quick glance around, then he actually _did_ drop her.

Galston House was not deserted. Hundreds, maybe thousands of ghosts, spirits, spectres, wights, ghouls, and even zombies crowded the theatre, eagerly watching the show. The ghostly candles did not shed true light, but they lent their own ethereal illumination that neither dispelled darkness nor cast shadows.

"LADIES, GENTLEMEN, AND FORMERLIES!" Tanis shouted, spinning to face the entire audience and gesturing grandly for their attention. "In tonight's presentation, I shall play the damsel in distress, menaced by a terrible monster—as played by _Regicide Heketch!_ Please, give him a hand!"

There was scattered applause among the assembled undead, as well as a handful of jeers.

"Don't mind the catcalls," Tanis remarked. "Those're probably just people you killed. There's generally no pleasing them."

"Wait—" Heketch began to protest, but he was cut off by Tanis' next announcement.

"With musical accompaniment by our special guest, _**Voco Astrum**!_ "

A blazing guitar riff followed the announcement as a flamboyant, purple-haired musician leaped onto the stage from practically nowhere. The zombies went wild, and a handful of decaying underthings were tossed onto the stage, prompting Heketch to dodge.

"I'd rather be called 'Overlord Voco Astrum,'" he remarked to Tanis, playing loudly so the audience wouldn't overhear the aside.

Tanis nodded cheerfully and amended her announcement: "Also known as _Former Interim Overlord_ Voco Astrum!"

Voco visibly winced at the unflattering title, but he didn't press the issue.

" _Voco?!_ What isss going _on_ here?" Heketch demanded, but Voco just winked at him and twirled off the stage. The Rasp turned to Tanis for an explanation, but she was already making her next announcement:

"And the parts of the three heroes played by... _Loki!_ "

Heketch groaned and fell to his knees as something knee-high and surprisingly violent slashed at his calves. He hissed and lunged for the armored doll, which had taken a few steps away to bow to the audience.

" _Mephisto!_ "

Heketch's face slammed into the stage as the second doll landed directly on top of him. When the Rasp managed to pry his teeth free from the stage, he saw that the doll had donned a warlord's garb, not unlike the Overlord's combat uniform.

"Annnd... _Eris!_ Give 'em a hand!"

Anticipating the attack, Heketch spun around and snatched the third doll out of the air on its way to tackle him. He roared with anger as the other two dolls attacked his arms, forcing him to release Eris and retreat.

The three dolls took up some sort of combat pose, and dramatic music began to play. The audience cheered wildly.

"All right, everybody!" Tanis called, side-stepping until the dolls were no longer directly between Heketch and herself. "Iiiiiiit's... SHOWTIME!"

Heketch knew that attacking her was exactly what she wanted. He could probably end this whole mess quickly by simply refusing to do anything. She'd get bored, and he'd be able to put her to bed.

But Heketch was angry. So, he didn't care. He charged.

The third doll, Eris, was unarmored, and it seemed to move far more quickly than the other two. He tripped over it twice in his first charge, but he caught himself both times and managed to use the momentum to jump clear over Loki. Just when Tanis was almost within arm's reach, though, he had to reverse direction to avoid an axe in his gut.

He pulled knives from the darkness and launched them toward her, but the swordsman leaped into the air and parried them with astonishing reflexes. Then, suddenly, Heketch found himself on the defensive; the sword-doll was improbably skilled, and he needed all his skill to avoid its blows while also preventing the unarmored doll from cornering him with the axe-wielder.

It took him several minutes to land a solid blow, but he finally impaled one of the dolls, ripping the stuffing out of it with one cruel strike.

He held a fistful of stuffing up to the light. "It'ss jusst not the ssame," sighed the assassin.

Then, to his irritation, Tanis directed the doll he'd just "killed" to pull itself off of his claw and perform a more satisfying death scene. It did so, and when Tanis had properly narrated its dramatic death, it rolled itself off the stage. Thus was one of the three heroes declared dead. With every conquered hero, Heketch found the whole matter increasingly ludicrous.

Finally, he had slaughtered all three of the "heroes" and seized Tanis by the throat. Undeterred, she continued to narrate:

"Is this the end for our fated damsel? Join us next time! The same show will have performances through the end of the week, but the ending isn't always the same! Thank you for attending another special presentation by the Galston House! This has been the feature performance! Take a bow, everyone!"

"Regicide Heketch: the monster!" She made a strange gesture with one hand, and Heketch felt something around his neck—then he found himself yanked downward into a bow by an unseen force.

"Loki, Mephisto, and Eris: the three heroes!" The three "heroes" sprang back to life and climbed onto the stage to take their bows.

"Yours truly, Tanis Trilives: the damsel!" Tanis curtsied deeply. "Thank you, everyone! All together!" She and the three puppets bowed at the same time. "The next performance will be tomorrow, but stick around for a musical concert put on by our very own Former Interim—"

"Just Voco is fine," Voco interrupted, leaping onto the stage.

"Now let's clear off," Tanis remarked. The three puppets fled the stage, and Heketch felt the unseen force release him.

He snarled at the girl, but she simply pointed offstage imperiously.

"Clear off. Now," she repeated. "Or Voco will have a fit."

Heketch started to refuse, then saw her making that strange gesture again. He snarled and kept his grip tight, but he sauntered offstage nonetheless.

Tanis praised Heketch's performance while Voco started his concern, but the Rasp was not amused.

"I don't know what you're so grouchy about," Tanis remarked with a yawn. "You got to fight and kill. You get to keep doing that every single night, and your opponents will come back to life to die again every single night. It's a lot of stitching on my part, but I don't really see what the problem is."

"I am _not_ sstaying around for another inssstallment of thiss inssanity," Heketch stated flatly. "My orderss are sssimply to watch over you, entertain you, and keep you out of trouble until you go to bed."

Tanis smiled innocently, despite the fact that the Rasp still had her by the throat. He was a little perturbed at how completely unperturbed she was. "Oh, that's no problem," she assured him. "We'll still have plenty of time to work on performances."

Voco's concert had become quite loud, so they had to move some distance away from the stage. He had recruited undead accompaniment, it seemed, and some of the more corporeal audience members were moshing in the stands. (The less corporeal audience members were moshing through the stage itself.)

"What?" Heketch demanded, suspicious. "When iss it you go to bed, anyway?"

"Never," Tanis replied sweetly, her smile widening as she did.

Voco's performance had reached a fever pitch; the audience was an unruly throng, and zombies crowded the edge of the stage. The purple-haired performer himself seemed lost to the music, his fingers flying like a master fencer's blade.

"What," Heketch uttered, caught entirely by surprise yet again.

"I'm a ghost," Tanis explained. "I don't sleep, so I don't go to bed. I don't have to."

Heketch's jaw dropped. Not at the realization that she was a ghost—he'd already suspected something of the sort, since she seemed completely unfazeable—but because he hadn't quite realized what that meant for his orders.

"No," he whispered.

"So you're here with me indefinitely!" Tanis declared. "Since that's settled, I have some critiques of your performance. You played a very good monster considering that it was your first performance, but a _great_ monster would've..." She continued into a lengthy explanation which Heketch only half-heard. The rest of him was trying to remember if he knew of any good ways to kill a ghost.

In a frenzy of ghost light and enchanted music, Voco raised his arms high in his trademark sign, threw his guitar down, and leaped from the stage into his adoring audience. Unfortunately, as soon as he stopped playing, his horde of eager fans became dull-eyed zombies with no initiative of their own. Voco crashed to the ground, then made a mental note to bring his guitar with him the next time he tried to surf a crowd of zombies.

* * *

 _"There," sighed the wolf. "I think that's it for the night. Sorry it took so long. I decided to gloss over most of the action, but I'm sure nobody minds."_

 _Nobody answered._

 _"Er... does anyone mind?"_

 _Silence._

 _"Hello? Is anyone still there? It's kind of hard to see for myself, so a little help would be appreciated, please."_

 _As if in answer, Audience Member #2 began snoring loudly._

Oh dear, _thought the wolf._ I won't skip quite so much action next time, then.


End file.
